(Or How I Survived The Pick Up Community With Self Esteem In Tact.)
In this industry there are a lot of competing mentalities, crazy ideas and even crazier people.
On my journey to being exceptional with women, and then later, a ‘guru’ who loves nothing more then to help guys get the success that they deserve with the fairer sex, I’ve received my fair share of criticism. People have said I’m gay, that my game was a copy of Mystery’s. Then when it was clear that these were untrue I was hit by a tirade of guys saying I was just using flash game, that nothing was solid.
None of this bothered me because the real proof was in the results my students did get. In how happy I was every time a new relationship was created from my teachings. How those that were willing to test my methods out themselves were reaping a whole lot of rewards.
So what did I learn during this time, well let me tell you… whether it’s outgrowing the people who you thought were friends and having them denounce what you are doing publicly or people disliking you for your success in any area of life; there are people who will hate.
(Aside: I still remember the time my own sister stopped me from hooking up with a girl by warning her the moment I left the room that I was an EVIL POOAH, that was a long time ago but it’s still fresh in my mind because it’s still a typical part of the development cycle for most guys)
Even more interesting is that most people who hate you usually won’t know you, they won’t understand you or your choices and they’ll attack you for it. Sometimes it’s comes from a place of fear because it’s easier to attack that which scares us rather then understand it. Some times it will come from a place of feeling inferior and attacking higher people to drag them down to your level kicking and screaming, other times it’ll just be an ego thing, the belief that one way is the true path and only a certain person holds the answers – bullshit. Whatever the cause here are some practically tips for handling haters.
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” – Winston Churchill
1) Keep An Open Mind But Use Your Filter
One of the key things we should always look at is: ‘Does this persons perception of me have an basis what so ever in reality or am I just doing something that is against their values or the status quo?’ It’s important to be able to hear the criticism in any way shape or form without making taking it seriously.
If your critics have a point then you can surpass them by improving that area of your life and yourself before moving on and continuing to live a happy life. Nothing annoys a detractor more then having his opponent live well.
So feel free to listen to the hate but don’t take it seriously, more often then not it seems bigger then it is because it becomes personal to you. Like watching yourself on a camera you’ll see the flaws blown up out of proportion when really to most people it’s a non-issue.
It doesn’t matter how many people don’t get it, what matters is how many people do.
2) Reality Is Subjective
This one comes up a lot, people like to use boxes to simplify the world around them and make it much easier place for them to live. It is, however, a complicated world, one that shouldn’t be boxed up but embraced. However, when people tend to use these boxes they will assign one for you. They will also try to keep you in that box no matter what.
For this kind of person no logical discourse can dissuade them from that box, for whatever you are doing is not part of their reality, or they have made up their mind about what you are doing despite the evidence. This is common with guys who envy you and rationalise away what you have “Oh, he’s not really good, it’s just XYZ” or friends who see you trying to improve your lot in life and attempt to pull you down.
Shed these people, they will do nothing for you except make you question your own journey. Should your conviction waiver around these people it’s time to find new social environments which can inspire you and challenge you. If that’s not possible find someone who is also seeking the path to enlightenment and grow together, feed off each others ideas to make a happier future for yourselves.
They say that you are an amalgamation of the seven people you surround yourself with, so sometimes it’s good to pause and take stock of your group. Am I surrounding myself with people who are pushing me to better things and challenging me or am I trying to move forward but getting pulled back into old patterns that leave me stuck.
3) Be Aware Of Your Own Value Systems In Relation To Others
As animals we have a highly novel feature, we are able to set our own values or, in some cases, have other people (social conditioning, parents, friends) set values for us. We are one of the few creatures that desires many different things beyond our own basic needs such as food, water, shelter etc etc
However, with all these different viewpoints being thrown at us it is impossible to satisfy everyone, nor should you try to because the only person you should ever be looking to satisfy in your life is you. That doesn’t mean by being overly selfish although to some you will seem it. Trying to satisfy everyone will leave you unsatisfied yourself. As DaveC likes to say on bootcamp: “You can only live for yourself and on your deathbed if you realise you’ve lived your life purely for others you’ll realise you haven’t lived.”
Rather it means living by your own code of values, your own criteria of what is important to you rather then by what others tell you should be important, this makes a profound difference because when you realise that you life in alignment with your values then you’re are free from the external criticism of those with a different set of values, most of the time not even their own but set by a religious or societal code.
What that means is that you will have a purpose, a mission, it will keep you going no matter what obstacles people may try to throw in your path because the purpose is bigger then the gossip and the hate, it surpasses the small petty stuff for the big picture.
At the end of the day your life is not diminished by how others think of you, really the people that lose are the ones that hate. They spend all that time and energy thinking about you and criticising you while you go out there and achieve your dreams, you focus on what matters and you will enjoy a much fuller happier life.
DaveC & Mehow