In this post I’m going to walk you through the top three strangest accessories that are guaranteed to get you laid on your favourite holiday and exactly how to use them…I’m not talking about watches, necklaces, top hats, boas, or any of that Mystery style peacocking. I’m talking about bringing out the big guns.
Now to be fair, I should say, these accessories won’t magically do the game for you, but they will definitely do some heavy lifting…they’ll create instant approach invitations and open almost any woman within 10 feet of you like clockwork.
Before Riley continues for any of you in the nu-school of pick up I should explain peacocking. This was first coined (and since then has been continuously demonstrated) by Mystery. The idea is simple, that standing out in a socially acceptable way makes you more attractive to members of the opposite sex.
The idea being rooted in evolutionary psychology, if you can stand out and still survive it ups your survival rating and therefore your attractiveness, much like a peacock with it’s colourful plumage stands out to attract a mate you can too.
Over the years peacocking got a terrible name for itself, and that makes sense because people didn’t understand the idea was to separate yourself out from the crowd while still dressing within the comfort level of a social group. It was also extremely important that the way you stood out was congruent.
Unfortunately repetition of Mystery’s outlandish furry hats were a craze in the noughties ’04 – ’07 that made people tire of peacocking or denounce it completely. Yet when a holiday event is on you can really use get the full benefit from doing it with none of the drawbacks.
Let’s carry on – DaveC
According to Wikipedia the only official U.S. holidays are:
New Year’s Day
Martin Luther King Jr Day
I’m gonna focus on the REAL holidays, the ones you look forward to because you know the skirts are going to be shorter, the woman’s standards far lower and your competition far drunker.
The best sarging holidays are New Year’s Eve, St. Paddy’s Day and Halloween, my government may not recognize these as official holidays, but they are great for pick up. These holidays are all about drinking, fucking and good times.
So with that said let’s get to it, let’s start off with my favourite of the three:
St Paddy’s Day:
There’s two main reasons St. Paddy’s Day is awesome:
1) Everything is Green, even the beer and the tiny thongs the women wear at my favourite St Paddy’s bar
2) Everyone is wasted and more inclined to play hide the Irish sausage after just one game of (green) beer pong
So how exactly do you get these results? How do you stand out against the barrage of green and get women walking up and opening you? Simple, be different…really different!
Some of you out there may not currently know what I mean when I say really different, so let’s clarify:
Really Different =
I wore this exact outfit this St. Paddy’s day with jeans and a tie and got some serious results. (You wear it over your regular clothes guys, come on!)
To top it off I put a glow stick in my crotchal region to really illuminate my man goods! This outfit was a “GREAT SUCCESS!!” I had at least a dozen woman come up, pull on my lime green straps and open me.
I literally did no work the entire night, the originality and comedy of the outfit did my work for me. Half the woman that came up tried a horrible Borat impersonation, which was easy enough to roll with; even though they were all pretty much epic fails…it at least gave us common ground and was an instant conversation piece.
The added glowing crotch bit also forced woman to constantly stare and/or poke/grab at my crotch… which was an easy way to sexualize the interaction early on, by far one of the easiest way to get woman to come to you.
However there are dangers to such an outfit, I almost left this part out, because it comes close to ruining the story, but to be fair, I thought I should include a warning:
About three quarters of the way into the night I noticed something strange happen, over time, the woman seemed to slowly stop coming, however the attention itself didn’t stop completely.
Where woman once stood I now found an increasing amount of well dressed, flamboyant males standing giving me a lot of attention …and not the good kind of attention either like “cool outfit bro” but the scary kind, like “I’m gonna fuck you in your bum bro.” Now I have nothing against homosexual men, in fact I have several good gay friends, if that’s their thing, then power to em! All I ask is that you don’t power into me.
At first I had absolutely no clue what happened, I’d never gotten this type of attention from my own sex before. But then as the night wrapped up and I headed back home for the evening, everything suddenly became instantly clear.
I noticed something, something which explained it all…turns out all my ass shaking had done more than I original expected…it seems the glow stick that used to be in my crotch, illuminating my man goodies, had slowly but surely slid down the crotch pouch of the mankini and ended up near my anal region…it had propped its way up, right in between my ass cheeks illuminating my brown balloon knot for the entire world to see.
What started off as a great idea had slowly turned into a beacon for the gays! Looking back I don’t blame those men at all, I don’t know many straight men who would light up their anus’ unless they were looking for attention to be drawn to it.
So be warned, if you get this outfit, be sure to somehow close off the back door alley, because the magic of the night slowly went from Harry Potter badass to dark wizards wanting into my chamber of secrets!
New Years Eve
This is my least favourite of the three super holidays, but still pretty fucking good, why? because all the single girls are really bummed out that they’re single again for the second year in a row and more determined than ever to change that… and that’s why we’re about to sweep them off their feet… with this!
It’s a laser pointer, that can do this:
This one actually requires you do to open for yourself, but it still gets results.
Here’s what you do:
1) Stand by or near your target set about an hour before midnight
2) Take your laser pointer out and shine it on the ceiling moving the nozzle so to create the shimmer dot effect as if you’re testing to make sure it works. This will almost always create instant chick excitement and 1 or 2 will come running over to see what it is.
3) Once they come hopping over, jumping with joy, wanting to know “What the heck is that thing? It’s so cool.” simply tell them:
“It’s a part of our new laser light show, I’m supposed to set it off at midnight when the New Year comes in”
They’ll respond with something like “Oh cool! Can we try it?”…then one or all of them will take turns pointing it at the ceiling and watching the lights dance round like transfixed cats chasing, well…a laser pointer.
This quickly gets you social proof in the venue, especially as you lock in when doing it. For added effect put the laser on a long piece of fabric around your neck so that she’s playing with something around your neck while you sarge the rest of the group.
4) Lastly find out their logistics.
“Yeah it’s awesome; so who are you guys here with? I’m gonna need some help rocking the room at midnight.”
At this point the taken ones will say “Oh, I’d love too but by my boyfriend will want me.” leaving you alone just with the singles ones.
From there continue the game as usual, amping up attraction and by the time midnight rolls around, the laser pointer is usually forgotten by midnight anyway.
We saved the best for last, if you’re reading this at the time of writing Halloween is just round the corner and it is ON.
To be honest, this holiday could tie as my number one, however I felt I had to honour my Irish heritage and therefor this comes in second…but only by a fraction of an inch on the fuck-yes scale.
So why is Halloween so awesome?
Girls in slutty outfits. It’s the one time of the year all women are encouraged to dress provocatively and even play that slutty character to the hilt. This is the one day every women, no matter how self-professed “wholesome” or “goody toe shoes” they are in real life…completely detach from reality and become down for one full night.
However this night does have one major downfall as well…
On this night every single dude in the universe with a six pack, without fail, is either dressed as a topless firefighter, Spartan warrior, or some other obscure character which allows them to take their shirts off and prance around like roided up, half-nude monkeys.
So how do us normal folks compete?
This is the single most brilliant Idea I have ever come across in my 21 years on this planet… I’m sure you can just Google how to make a Facebook Halloween costume, so I’m not going to go into detail on how to do so, but in case you’re too lazy, I’ve done it for you: Here.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s explain why this is so brilliant…
It’s HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY, interactive and chicks love Facebook more than life its self!
The minute I walked into the club on Halloween, there was literally A LINE UP of women all eagerly waiting to sign on my Facebook “wall”.
The first thing a girl wrote: “Just take my clothes off already”
And this chick wasn’t kidding, she literally got down and her knees to write it, made a joke like “See what I can do on my knees.” and then asked me when we were leaving…I SWEAR TO GOD! I’m telling you, the evil witch’s curse I was telling you about earlier, is 100 percent true… and this costume just unleashes it. Now you might be thinking, “Well I bet I know how this story ends”…but you my friend would be WRONG!
I didn’t go home with her for a very important reason: I just got there and clearly had more women to meet before I made my choice.
So as you can see, this costume can be wicked deadly, especially if put in the wrong hands, which is exactly why I’m giving it to you guys! I think I got a record breaking 30 numbers in one night, about half of which turned out to be pretty solid.
Note: If this costume becomes too over used before the publishing of this article, just know I’m working on Twitter, instagram and tumblr costumes as well, I’ll keep you posted.
So there you have it, my three favourite super accessories on my three favourite super holidays. Feel free to try them out for yourself.
But some of you may be wondering, what exactly do you do once they open you? Which I would be happy to answer, however this post has went on long enough, so I’ll just give you some quick tips and go more in depth another time:
The accessories / peacocking have already taken the hardest step for you…OPENED! So remember to always start by TEASING and to keep the sarge moving forward.
They sign your FB costume/ tease them about:
How they write like they’re drunk
How they can’t spell
How they wrote in the off limits zone
They notice your Borat mankini, tease them about:
How they’re starring at your crotch
How you saw them wearing one at the beach too
How you got the last one before they sold out, and
they were next in line…
If they see your laser pointer, tease them about:
How it’s only for children 10 and up? Are sure you’re old enough?
How it can burn through walls if you keep on too long (they generally believe you)
Tell them “Only one at a time, you have to share”
The list goes on and on, but you get the idea.
So with that, I’ll wrap up this post, thanks for checking out this article, hopefully I’ve given you some food for thought with accessory choosing system. If you guys have any ideas or comments of your own feel free to share…hit me up at RileyMehowTV@gmail.com
Until next time,